"A Real Pain" + Emotion Regulation: Part 2

5 coping tools + lots of resource links

                                     From Mae Martin’s Stand-Up Comedy Special, SAP

My last post, “A Real Pain” + Emotion Regulation: Part 1, described how Benji and David represent opposite approaches to emotions (undercontrol and overcontrol). Part 2 focuses on finding a middle ground through emotion regulation strategies.

Emotion Efficacy Therapy (EET) consists of 4 components derived from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT): emotion awareness, mindful acceptance, values-based action, and mindful coping. If you’re overwhelmed by the number of acronyms and therapy terms I just threw at you, fear not…I’ll break them down step-by-step and include links to resources for further exploration.

• Emotion awareness. The 1st step of EET is to increase your insight about emotional experiences. If you “sit with” your emotions, you’ll better understand yourself and what you need. This is why therapists love a feeling wheel. Below are some helpful guides to emotional observation through the identification of sensations, thoughts, urges, and feeling labels (STUF):

  • Mindfulness - What Skills

  • Mindfulness of Current Emotions

  • The STUF That Difficult Emotions Are Made Of

• Mindful acceptance. If you increase your awareness—particularly of painful emotions—you may have the urge to distract and distance yourself from them. This is totally understandable and, at times, may be exactly what you need. However, when we avoid our emotions a lot, it makes our lives worse in the long-term. One of the reasons we avoid emotions is because of the judgments that arise in response to them. We might think our feelings are invalid or we’re defective for having them. If you take a nonjudgmental approach to your feelings, you can cultivate more tolerance for your emotional experiences:

  • Mindfulness - How

  • Guided RAIN Meditation

• Values-Based Action (VBA). Once you learn to observe and allow your emotions, you can choose how you want to respond. Emotional urges may compel us to cope in ways that aren’t aligned with our values (e.g., escape, self-sabotage). The VBA approach suggests you pause and reflect on your values before acting:

  • Wise Mind

  • Values vs. Goals

  • Monsters On A Boat

• Mindful Coping. When you’re in an intense emotional state, it’s hard to select a VBA. This is where mindful coping comes in. Mindful coping methods don’t seek to change or escape unwanted emotions. Instead, they help soothe emotional pain and intensity to create space for VBAs:

  • Soften, Soothe, Allow: Working with Difficult Emotions

  • TIP Skills

I hope you find these ideas and resources useful! Please know that no one uses these approaches perfectly every time. I certainly don’t. The goal is to learn and practice these approaches so you can lean on them when you need them. Please be compassionate and patient with yourself as you learn.