When the Personal is Universal
"Hurt" by NIN + cotton candy houses
I don’t remember exactly why, but I recently rewatched a 2021 Song Exploder episode about the 1994 song Hurt by Nine Inch Nails (NIN). Each episode is an interview with the artist(s) about their songwriting process. I like many of the episodes, but Trent Reznor’s explanations struck me as particularly poignant.
The first thing that stuck with me was this description, “The thing about Hurt, more than any other song I’ve written, when I wrote it, I felt alone. Lost. But things will be okay, ya know? And…you’re okay.” As a psychologist with a focus on suicide prevention, I think about loneliness—what drives it and how to alleviate it—a lot. Reznor went on, “I’ve always had a sadness and a sense of abandonment, I think, haunting me, and never feel like I fit in anywhere and always feel like an outsider. It’s not rational. It just happens often.”
A song about sadness and loneliness is not particularly unique, so you may be wondering why I found this all so compelling. Here’s the second part that stuck with me. Reznor added, “I thought this would be a self-indulgent record off to the side, but it exploded.” A song borne of excruciating isolation was HUGELY popular and brought a ton of people together through their shared experiences.
Reznor described himself as fully in the moment when closing all of his shows with Hurt, “I’m making a connection with people. For someone who doesn’t feel that comfortable around people, it’s powerful.”
I was lucky enough to experience it firsthand as a teenager when I saw NIN at the Miami arena in 1994.* Over 10 thousand people sang together:
♫ I focus on the pain/the only thing that’s real ♫
Reznor’s exquisitely personal experience inspired art about a universal human experience that resonated so much that it exploded with popularity again in 2002 when Johnny Cash covered it.
In your deepest moments of despair, when you feel all alone, please know that you are not the only one. It’s hardest to remember that while in intense pain. One strategy that can help is to take time to reflect on ways your sense of belonging is strengthened, so that you can pursue those avenues when you next need them. I’ll share some prompts that I hope you’ll find useful for this activity:**
When have you felt a sense of deep belonging? Can you revisit those spaces or memories in times of loneliness?
Who are the people that help you to feel like you belong? Can you reach out to them?
Where do you feel like you belong? Is there a place you can go that feels like home or a place you’re meant to be?
Is their a spiritual or other belief system that helps you feel more connected to other people and to the world?
*I decided to not post the picture of my teenage NIN fan self here, but it is over on Instagram if you’re interested. Side note: I get to see NIN again this summer with my husband and expect hearing an arena of people singing “Hurt” to be even more impactful then!
**Prompts are paraphrased from the Suicidal Thoughts Guided Journal.
Resources
If you are in crisis, please contact 988 Lifeline.
For more information about self-harm, please visit the International Society of Self Injury website.